Hi God - it's me again.
Well -it's 4 years later and I have just read my posts from 4 years ago. It was very interesting to look back at that time. I was surprised to see how many answers I had gotten from you. Thank You so much for that. Thank you for all you've given me - done for me - and been there with me. Only You Lord - only You.
Lord I'm in this new house now - and I do love it. I wish I was better able to take care of it - do the things I want to do and see that needs to be done. I woke up aching this morning. I went to rehab (and btw thank You for that too) - but didn't do so good there today. I didn't do the weights today - but I'll try harder Wed and Thur.
Lord I am still fighting lack of motivation. I don't know how to make myself be motivated. I listen to the ladies at church and on facebook and figure I am the least of these. I want to be on fire for you - and for church. But rather than Sunday mornings, that about all the motivated I get. Lord,, I want to be what you want me to be - but I don't know how - or what to do - or etc. I do know I've not been in your word like I should. But even when I am, I still don't feel 'adequate' so to speak. I'm sure glad you know my heart even when I don't. Adequate isn't the right word - cause that implies you can be 'good enough' and we know that's not so. It isn't what I do - but what You did. Thank You for that.
I had a heart attack, Lord. And again - You protected me. I believe I started having that heart attack on a Thursday - and did not go in until Monday. But You kept me going. I thank You. I thank You for the lack of damage to my heart too. And I thank You for the opportunity to improve at rehab.
I've been planting flowers again, Lord. Michelle and the girls came and helped me Saturday. Thank you so for sending them. We seemed to get a lot done. At least it felt like it. I was glad she said she was sore from it - made me feel a little better about being sore. The girls are growing up so fast. I was shocked at the difference I saw in them - Hannah and Sarah. Hannah's losing her 'babyness look' - and looking like a big girl. It's sort of sad. And Sarah had a much more mature look about her. Jessica looked the same - and I was glad.
Lord - please bear with me - help me to find my purpose - and Your will.
Love you Lord,
Just me.....
Monday, April 18, 2016
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Yep, It still me...
It's me again, God. Just me. Thank you for being there.
Well yesterday, I hauled off the trash, got some of those good tomatoes, went to the grocery and almost stuck to my list. I did pretty good with that, I think. I came home, got the groceries in and up, and was able to pick up some and do a load of laundry (I think that was yesterday). All in one day. For me and my breathing that was pretty good.
I made a deal with myself yesterday before I went shopping. The deal was I could buy the salad fixings as long as I made the salad that day. I did. I was happy with that. Too often I put it off until the fixings are half bad.
And when I put it off, I eat the wrong things. Oh yeah - I also made 5 boxes of sugar free jello yesterday to have on hand. And I boiled eggs.
Today, I've cooked peas, fried taters (which you know are different from fried potatoes) and stir fry. I made some terrible biscuits - not sure why they turned terrible. I'll check on that more tomorrow. I also turned the boiled eggs into deviled eggs. I age peas, taters, eggs and bisquits. With nice cold milk. Oh it was good God. Thank you for that food.
My back is still hurting. I just took more tylenol. Please help it work.
I was reading in your word again, Lord. Sometimes it seems very clear - other times it's a puzzle to me. Please grant me wisdom and understanding of your word. Give me discernment.
Lord help me know and hear when you are speaking to me. Be with Michelle and Michael. Lord - give them patience and understanding and all the things they need. Let Michael know I love him. and Michelle.
Sometimes, I feel 'discarded' by my kids. I know they will be there if I need them. But they are so busy with their life, they have no idea how mine is. They often plan how mine 'should' be - without any clue. I love them. And I'm so grateful for them. But I need a life, God. (back to the last blog)....
God, I'm going to sleep soon. I'm tired today. Please give me good rest tonight. Be with Joey Lord and keep him safe. And God, please make sure my sons are saved. I have more peace about my girls, but not so much my sons, Lord. They are good boys - and you know them better than me. Please, Lord, don't give up on them - make sure my boys are saved before they die.
I love you,
Goodnight, Lord,
Just me - Judy
Well yesterday, I hauled off the trash, got some of those good tomatoes, went to the grocery and almost stuck to my list. I did pretty good with that, I think. I came home, got the groceries in and up, and was able to pick up some and do a load of laundry (I think that was yesterday). All in one day. For me and my breathing that was pretty good.
I made a deal with myself yesterday before I went shopping. The deal was I could buy the salad fixings as long as I made the salad that day. I did. I was happy with that. Too often I put it off until the fixings are half bad.
And when I put it off, I eat the wrong things. Oh yeah - I also made 5 boxes of sugar free jello yesterday to have on hand. And I boiled eggs.
Today, I've cooked peas, fried taters (which you know are different from fried potatoes) and stir fry. I made some terrible biscuits - not sure why they turned terrible. I'll check on that more tomorrow. I also turned the boiled eggs into deviled eggs. I age peas, taters, eggs and bisquits. With nice cold milk. Oh it was good God. Thank you for that food.
My back is still hurting. I just took more tylenol. Please help it work.
I was reading in your word again, Lord. Sometimes it seems very clear - other times it's a puzzle to me. Please grant me wisdom and understanding of your word. Give me discernment.
Lord help me know and hear when you are speaking to me. Be with Michelle and Michael. Lord - give them patience and understanding and all the things they need. Let Michael know I love him. and Michelle.
Sometimes, I feel 'discarded' by my kids. I know they will be there if I need them. But they are so busy with their life, they have no idea how mine is. They often plan how mine 'should' be - without any clue. I love them. And I'm so grateful for them. But I need a life, God. (back to the last blog)....
God, I'm going to sleep soon. I'm tired today. Please give me good rest tonight. Be with Joey Lord and keep him safe. And God, please make sure my sons are saved. I have more peace about my girls, but not so much my sons, Lord. They are good boys - and you know them better than me. Please, Lord, don't give up on them - make sure my boys are saved before they die.
I love you,
Goodnight, Lord,
Just me - Judy
Monday, January 23, 2012
It's me again, God.
I need your help again. Of course, I need your help every day. But Lord, I have a special need today - and I'm not sure I can even vocalize it. I feel it - but not sure I know it, if that makes any sense. I'm so grateful you know the heart - cause I'm having trouble deciphering it, lol. I know you must have a great sense of humor - you've created so many laughable moments that you just have to. I look forward to laughing with you in person some day.
Back to my today problem. Lord, first, I think I am depressed. So right now, God, I'm turning this over to you. It's now your problem and I will no longer own in. Thank you God for that.
Second, I am not just 'not motivated' - but I am actually 'negatively' motivated. You know, like you can 'not like' something without 'disliking' it - or you can actually dislike it (the negative side). That's sort of where I am. I have been trying to figure out why. I've come to lots of conclusions - and maybe none of them fit. Or maybe all of them fit. I actually have two types of motivation - the one in my head that's normally good and the 'do it' that's holding the negative side.
Some now I'm going to go thru all of those with you Lord. Help me with each of them.
A. I still do not like the way I left DSS. It just didn't 'feel right'.
B. My breathing. God - this is a real problem. Help me find the solution. Sometimes I think it's in my head - that it might be anxiety attacks - it's lung problems - it's this, it's that. Whatever it is, I'm asking you now, Lord to either take it away or help me identify what it is and what I need to do about it. Lord, I want to exercise more (at least in my head) and can't with the breathing thing. When I was working, I couldn't find the time. Now I've found the time and can't find the breath or motivation. Help me here, Lord.
C. My back. It hurts. Direct result of weight and arthritis. Help. It affects everything.
D. Finances. I don't know how things are going. I did what I was supposed to and reported changes and they didn't. I've again addressed this and hope it's fixed. I also need a little more income. Whether from a job or elsewhere - I need it. Please help me in this area. I know you've seen me being reluctant or scared is a better word about my tithing. I do trust you God - you've never let me down. Help me with all of this. Help me trust better. As much as a mustard seed.
E. My house. It's dirty. I have no motivation here and need it. badly. I want a clean house - I just don't know how to motivate me to do it. I've been trying by going thru some stuff. Actually, God, that wasn't trying. That was a way to excuse myself from not doing it.
F. Weight. Please, please, God - help me here. Help me get motivated, stay on track and lose this weight. Lord, this is holding me back from everything. This might even be the number one cause of A thru E. Lord, please help me here. Please. I am putting this is your hand right now God. It's your problem. Help me fix it. I wish you could turn me into a robot to fix this. Where I had no will just only knew to follow directions. But things don't work that way. So give me the verse you want me to think of when the cravings hit - place in me the thought you want me to concentrate on when I tempted. Lord I need you so badly in this. I CANNOT DO IT ALONE.
G. Thank you God - thank you right now for everything you've done for me and it is sooooo much. I love you Lord - Thank you for your help in all the above. With you in control, how can anything go wrong?
Just me,
Back to my today problem. Lord, first, I think I am depressed. So right now, God, I'm turning this over to you. It's now your problem and I will no longer own in. Thank you God for that.
Second, I am not just 'not motivated' - but I am actually 'negatively' motivated. You know, like you can 'not like' something without 'disliking' it - or you can actually dislike it (the negative side). That's sort of where I am. I have been trying to figure out why. I've come to lots of conclusions - and maybe none of them fit. Or maybe all of them fit. I actually have two types of motivation - the one in my head that's normally good and the 'do it' that's holding the negative side.
Some now I'm going to go thru all of those with you Lord. Help me with each of them.
A. I still do not like the way I left DSS. It just didn't 'feel right'.
B. My breathing. God - this is a real problem. Help me find the solution. Sometimes I think it's in my head - that it might be anxiety attacks - it's lung problems - it's this, it's that. Whatever it is, I'm asking you now, Lord to either take it away or help me identify what it is and what I need to do about it. Lord, I want to exercise more (at least in my head) and can't with the breathing thing. When I was working, I couldn't find the time. Now I've found the time and can't find the breath or motivation. Help me here, Lord.
C. My back. It hurts. Direct result of weight and arthritis. Help. It affects everything.
D. Finances. I don't know how things are going. I did what I was supposed to and reported changes and they didn't. I've again addressed this and hope it's fixed. I also need a little more income. Whether from a job or elsewhere - I need it. Please help me in this area. I know you've seen me being reluctant or scared is a better word about my tithing. I do trust you God - you've never let me down. Help me with all of this. Help me trust better. As much as a mustard seed.
E. My house. It's dirty. I have no motivation here and need it. badly. I want a clean house - I just don't know how to motivate me to do it. I've been trying by going thru some stuff. Actually, God, that wasn't trying. That was a way to excuse myself from not doing it.
F. Weight. Please, please, God - help me here. Help me get motivated, stay on track and lose this weight. Lord, this is holding me back from everything. This might even be the number one cause of A thru E. Lord, please help me here. Please. I am putting this is your hand right now God. It's your problem. Help me fix it. I wish you could turn me into a robot to fix this. Where I had no will just only knew to follow directions. But things don't work that way. So give me the verse you want me to think of when the cravings hit - place in me the thought you want me to concentrate on when I tempted. Lord I need you so badly in this. I CANNOT DO IT ALONE.
G. Thank you God - thank you right now for everything you've done for me and it is sooooo much. I love you Lord - Thank you for your help in all the above. With you in control, how can anything go wrong?
Just me,
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
It's me again
Hi God,
It's just me again. Thank you for all my blessings. Thanks for my breathing being a smidgen better now.
Lord, I turned the NACOC job over to you. I was so scared. I always feel so inadequate. So un-qualified. But anyhow, I turned this over to you and it was so funny. The moment I did, I stopped worrying about it. I think I might get this job. And I think it would be good for me as well as being so ideal as far as the pay and hours are. If I do or I don't, I still thank you for removing that fear and nervousness. I thank you for having had the opportunity to apply here regardless of the results.
Lord, I thank you for Jennifer. I see her daily trying to do your will and to control the things that are not pleasing to you. Sometimes it's so hard for us human's Lord to control our human side. I am so blessed by Jennifer. She is always trying to help me - sometimes to the point of taking over for me, lol - but always trying to do what she thinks is best for me.
She is such a loving mother - and just enjoys being with her kids so much. Lord, I ask you to please save Jay. He's a good man and I so want him to go to heaven. Lord, speak to him and call him until he can no longer resist and he comes to you.
Lord, give Jennifer patience, understanding and wisdom as she's coming into these hormonal, earth-twisting, EVERYTHINGS AN EMERGENCY, teenage years with her beautiful girls. They are so beautiful and unique - so very different each and every one of them. Be with Brina as she's leading the way thru those long, mixed up hallways of teenagers-to-adulthood years. It can be so confusing when you're so up one moment and sad the next and angry and confused and mixed up. The hormones are racing and you don't know how to handle them. Bless her Lord - and guide her. She's your child and loves you. Bless them both Lord. Keep your hand on them.
And Lord, look at Julia. She is so neat. Such a mess. and so fun. She needs you too. She's trying to follow Brina and still be different. She wants to do good - but she don't want to be just a carbon. Help soften her heart toward her little sister and towards authority. Give her understanding of why she needs to submit to authority. In so many ways, Lord, she reminds me of her mom at that age. And her mom is handling things so much better than I did. Thank you for that. Keep them both in your grace and hold them dear. They are your children and they love you.
Little redheaded Lacey. She is such a dear. And you can really tell she's the baby of the group. She just knows that everyone dotes on her - and who wouldn't? She is so precious - and I ask that you guide her. She is so sensitive, Lord. Help her with that and let her know, it's okay if someone tells her no. Lord, she's your child. Please keep her safe and keep that beautiful smile on her face.
Lord, I love these 4 girls so much. Help me guard my mouth so that my words won't hurt these girls. I know that I sometimes say things one way and Jen thinks I mean them another way. Please help me with this - and help me to not be critical. Help me Lord when I go to offer advice or words to make sure it's what you would have me to offer. And help me to word it correctly so that it's not taken the wrong way. I do not want to ever hurt my daughter again. I know I have in the past and Lord, I ask your forgiveness for this. I have asked Jen's - and yours.
Well that's all for today, Lord. Today is Jenny's day. Next time it will be another child. I love you Lord.
It's just me again. Thank you for all my blessings. Thanks for my breathing being a smidgen better now.
Lord, I turned the NACOC job over to you. I was so scared. I always feel so inadequate. So un-qualified. But anyhow, I turned this over to you and it was so funny. The moment I did, I stopped worrying about it. I think I might get this job. And I think it would be good for me as well as being so ideal as far as the pay and hours are. If I do or I don't, I still thank you for removing that fear and nervousness. I thank you for having had the opportunity to apply here regardless of the results.
Lord, I thank you for Jennifer. I see her daily trying to do your will and to control the things that are not pleasing to you. Sometimes it's so hard for us human's Lord to control our human side. I am so blessed by Jennifer. She is always trying to help me - sometimes to the point of taking over for me, lol - but always trying to do what she thinks is best for me.
She is such a loving mother - and just enjoys being with her kids so much. Lord, I ask you to please save Jay. He's a good man and I so want him to go to heaven. Lord, speak to him and call him until he can no longer resist and he comes to you.
Lord, give Jennifer patience, understanding and wisdom as she's coming into these hormonal, earth-twisting, EVERYTHINGS AN EMERGENCY, teenage years with her beautiful girls. They are so beautiful and unique - so very different each and every one of them. Be with Brina as she's leading the way thru those long, mixed up hallways of teenagers-to-adulthood years. It can be so confusing when you're so up one moment and sad the next and angry and confused and mixed up. The hormones are racing and you don't know how to handle them. Bless her Lord - and guide her. She's your child and loves you. Bless them both Lord. Keep your hand on them.
And Lord, look at Julia. She is so neat. Such a mess. and so fun. She needs you too. She's trying to follow Brina and still be different. She wants to do good - but she don't want to be just a carbon. Help soften her heart toward her little sister and towards authority. Give her understanding of why she needs to submit to authority. In so many ways, Lord, she reminds me of her mom at that age. And her mom is handling things so much better than I did. Thank you for that. Keep them both in your grace and hold them dear. They are your children and they love you.
Little redheaded Lacey. She is such a dear. And you can really tell she's the baby of the group. She just knows that everyone dotes on her - and who wouldn't? She is so precious - and I ask that you guide her. She is so sensitive, Lord. Help her with that and let her know, it's okay if someone tells her no. Lord, she's your child. Please keep her safe and keep that beautiful smile on her face.
Lord, I love these 4 girls so much. Help me guard my mouth so that my words won't hurt these girls. I know that I sometimes say things one way and Jen thinks I mean them another way. Please help me with this - and help me to not be critical. Help me Lord when I go to offer advice or words to make sure it's what you would have me to offer. And help me to word it correctly so that it's not taken the wrong way. I do not want to ever hurt my daughter again. I know I have in the past and Lord, I ask your forgiveness for this. I have asked Jen's - and yours.
Well that's all for today, Lord. Today is Jenny's day. Next time it will be another child. I love you Lord.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Atlanta 2011
How blessed I feel. I finally had the opportunity to spend a few days at my oldest daughters home. I got to see those blessed little creatures that come in all ages and sizes they call grandkids. I call them blessings. And actually had a chance to spend some time with each of them hearing about them and their world. Wow - I've loved it.
I got to attend / hear their recital (and heard them practice for it which I liked as much as the recital). They are so good. I've known for a long time how good Stephen is - but Sarah has blown me away too. I didn't even know she was doing piano until they posted a video of her on facebook about a year ago. woah. I was shocked. So it was a blessing to see/hear all of them. Sarah had a solo, Stephen had one, and then Sarah, Stephen, Timmy and Joshua did one together. I was so proud of them.
I caused one bad thing, tho. Michelle (my daughter) had been telling me how Michael (her oldest) had been searching and searching for a job. So, I butted in in an effort to help him and caused him to think I was criticizing him. All I was trying to do was help. So much for butting in.
I enjoyed traveling - and even enjoyed traveling by myself. I liked the quietness of my thoughts. I liked stopping where/when I wanted without feeling like I was inconveniencing anyone. I loved looking at the flowers / trees / buildings - everything. Wrong turn? It don't bother me unless I'm on a deadline - time master I have to meet. I love being able to commune with the Lord on his and my time.
After the recital, their church had an awesome Christmas play that I got to see. And again - my babies were a part of it - and Timbo had a bit of a singing solo and did soooo well. wow - his voice is getting so deep. He is such a cutie.. They all did so well. Hannah (who was an angel in the pagent) decided to 'lay down' on stage and prop her head in her hands. When she was told to 'sit' - she said 'Angels don't sit - they fly'. She is a doll. And Jessica was the perfect angel and did her part just right. Joshua was the best shepherd I've ever seen - and Mary and Joseph (aka Timbo and Sarah) were great.
After that, I spent another day or so and then came home to prepare for them coming down and to see my daughter down here. I missed her and her girls while I was gone. Her girls are so neat and I miss them so when I don't see them.
Home again, home again. My 4 legged babies were sooooo glad I was home. I worry about them when I leave them behind, but Joey (my son) takes care of them for me. He's just not 'momma' to them, lol. They are still hanging close to me.
I got to attend / hear their recital (and heard them practice for it which I liked as much as the recital). They are so good. I've known for a long time how good Stephen is - but Sarah has blown me away too. I didn't even know she was doing piano until they posted a video of her on facebook about a year ago. woah. I was shocked. So it was a blessing to see/hear all of them. Sarah had a solo, Stephen had one, and then Sarah, Stephen, Timmy and Joshua did one together. I was so proud of them.
I caused one bad thing, tho. Michelle (my daughter) had been telling me how Michael (her oldest) had been searching and searching for a job. So, I butted in in an effort to help him and caused him to think I was criticizing him. All I was trying to do was help. So much for butting in.
I enjoyed traveling - and even enjoyed traveling by myself. I liked the quietness of my thoughts. I liked stopping where/when I wanted without feeling like I was inconveniencing anyone. I loved looking at the flowers / trees / buildings - everything. Wrong turn? It don't bother me unless I'm on a deadline - time master I have to meet. I love being able to commune with the Lord on his and my time.
After the recital, their church had an awesome Christmas play that I got to see. And again - my babies were a part of it - and Timbo had a bit of a singing solo and did soooo well. wow - his voice is getting so deep. He is such a cutie.. They all did so well. Hannah (who was an angel in the pagent) decided to 'lay down' on stage and prop her head in her hands. When she was told to 'sit' - she said 'Angels don't sit - they fly'. She is a doll. And Jessica was the perfect angel and did her part just right. Joshua was the best shepherd I've ever seen - and Mary and Joseph (aka Timbo and Sarah) were great.
After that, I spent another day or so and then came home to prepare for them coming down and to see my daughter down here. I missed her and her girls while I was gone. Her girls are so neat and I miss them so when I don't see them.
Home again, home again. My 4 legged babies were sooooo glad I was home. I worry about them when I leave them behind, but Joey (my son) takes care of them for me. He's just not 'momma' to them, lol. They are still hanging close to me.
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