I need your help again. Of course, I need your help every day. But Lord, I have a special need today - and I'm not sure I can even vocalize it. I feel it - but not sure I know it, if that makes any sense. I'm so grateful you know the heart - cause I'm having trouble deciphering it, lol. I know you must have a great sense of humor - you've created so many laughable moments that you just have to. I look forward to laughing with you in person some day.
Back to my today problem. Lord, first, I think I am depressed. So right now, God, I'm turning this over to you. It's now your problem and I will no longer own in. Thank you God for that.
Second, I am not just 'not motivated' - but I am actually 'negatively' motivated. You know, like you can 'not like' something without 'disliking' it - or you can actually dislike it (the negative side). That's sort of where I am. I have been trying to figure out why. I've come to lots of conclusions - and maybe none of them fit. Or maybe all of them fit. I actually have two types of motivation - the one in my head that's normally good and the 'do it' that's holding the negative side.
Some now I'm going to go thru all of those with you Lord. Help me with each of them.
A. I still do not like the way I left DSS. It just didn't 'feel right'.
B. My breathing. God - this is a real problem. Help me find the solution. Sometimes I think it's in my head - that it might be anxiety attacks - it's lung problems - it's this, it's that. Whatever it is, I'm asking you now, Lord to either take it away or help me identify what it is and what I need to do about it. Lord, I want to exercise more (at least in my head) and can't with the breathing thing. When I was working, I couldn't find the time. Now I've found the time and can't find the breath or motivation. Help me here, Lord.
C. My back. It hurts. Direct result of weight and arthritis. Help. It affects everything.
D. Finances. I don't know how things are going. I did what I was supposed to and reported changes and they didn't. I've again addressed this and hope it's fixed. I also need a little more income. Whether from a job or elsewhere - I need it. Please help me in this area. I know you've seen me being reluctant or scared is a better word about my tithing. I do trust you God - you've never let me down. Help me with all of this. Help me trust better. As much as a mustard seed.
E. My house. It's dirty. I have no motivation here and need it. badly. I want a clean house - I just don't know how to motivate me to do it. I've been trying by going thru some stuff. Actually, God, that wasn't trying. That was a way to excuse myself from not doing it.
F. Weight. Please, please, God - help me here. Help me get motivated, stay on track and lose this weight. Lord, this is holding me back from everything. This might even be the number one cause of A thru E. Lord, please help me here. Please. I am putting this is your hand right now God. It's your problem. Help me fix it. I wish you could turn me into a robot to fix this. Where I had no will just only knew to follow directions. But things don't work that way. So give me the verse you want me to think of when the cravings hit - place in me the thought you want me to concentrate on when I tempted. Lord I need you so badly in this. I CANNOT DO IT ALONE.
G. Thank you God - thank you right now for everything you've done for me and it is sooooo much. I love you Lord - Thank you for your help in all the above. With you in control, how can anything go wrong?
Just me,
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